The Right Said Fred annual - Fred, George and Alan.

LOOK WHAT I GOT FOR CHRISTMAS!

Now, I'm not sure why the mister bought me this - either he knows me better than I know myself, or he loves old, crap things as much as I do (which could be why he's going out with me). Either way, he bought it for me, and it cost him one quid. At a rate of 0.5 pence a laugh, I'd say we've had our money's worth out of this book. That is to say, we've had exactly 200 laughs so far.

Let us step into the heady, bald world of Right Said Fred, in their very first annual!

Look at them - Fred, Said, and Alan Davies.

We are greeted by the following introduction -

First, and apparently only. I guess that's why there wasn't a year on the cover.

Up first we have "Off Duty", which shows the guys relaxing in their spare time. That is, their spare time when they also happen to be posing for annual photos. This section shows us Said's favourite hobby -

"I like to stand on my heels for as long as I can manage. So far, my record is 36 hours!"

Next up, we have "Quote Unquote", citing the guys' words of wisdom. Of note in this section -

Now, call me an old cynic, but I'm not sure that this entirely true, when you consider that Richard and Fred were contestants on Celebrity Fantasy Homes, hosted short lived Channel 5 game show The Desert Forges (Richard only), and that they were also lined up to be on I'm A Celebrity, but "the pair did not make it onto the show".

We move on. We arrive at "The Interview", featuring a picture of Fred/Richard going into labour -

And a picture of Fred/Richard having forgotten to get out of his pyjamas -

 Also in "The Interview" is this rare gem, taken from Fred/George/Alan -

"My thumbnail impressions were that America is a foreign country..."

Ya think?

Page 28 brings us the fascinating "20 things you never knew about RSF", including -

- Fred once had the word "bellend" tattooed on his head for a laugh. He subsequently had the tattoo removed, at a cost of £4000. He wasn't laughing by then!

- All three band members share the same mother - Mollie Sugden, of Are You Being Served? fame.

- Richard is allergic to cauliflower, and also to his brother Fred.

Page 36 gives us the marvellous behind the scenes exclusive - "WHERE, WHEN AND HOW THOSE LAUGH-A-MINUTE VIDS WERE SHOT"

I can't say I spotted many laughs, or any, in fact. The main facial expression in the two page spread seemed to be this -

 Also, is that Richard Osman of Pointless fame in the band?

 Page 42 brings us the RSF Suoperfan Challenge - a quiz for die-hard RSF fans, namely the band members and their mums. Questions include -

- How many children does Richard have in foster care?

- Why was Fred thrown out of McGregor's fishing supplies and sundries?

- What is the guys' combined hat size?

Having looked through it, I can't tell you my emotions upon receiving this present. Pleased is not the word! Confused is maybe nearer to it.