I like
booze, because it's big and clever. Now I'm a grown up, and have
decided which tipples I prefer, it's become easier for me to tune out
the cacophony of alcohol advertising that tries to enter my brain via
my eyes and ears. Not so when I was a nipper. The TV ad breaks (not
the ones during things like Rainbow,
obviously) were awash with strange adverts for mysterious drinks, and
all you knew about them was that they were somehow different from
pop.
Booze
adverts back then were fascinating – they were obscure enough to
make me wonder what that strange new product was, and why I never got
to have any. Nowadays (Smirnoff, Famous Grouse etc aside) a lot of
booze adverts just show you the booze. In a glass. Which is the last
thing you want to see when you have a hangover.
Here
are some adverts I remember fondly for being funny, or bizarre, or
just downright good -
Skol
What
happened to Skol? Can you even get it any more? A quick Google search
shows you can, albeit mostly in Brazil, where it is the country's
number one lager.
Over
here, Skol was marketed as a rowdy Danish/Swedish/Norweigan/foreign
lager that was drunk by a load of singing cartoon vikings (one of
whom was Hagar The Horrible). Anyone who has seen the advert
remembers the song. All together now -
Skol
skol skol skol skol skol skol skol skol (continue x 42).
Babycham
I
used to get a 4 pack of Babycham every Christmas, until my dad
realised I didn't really like it. I used to think it was the same as
Lambrini, and then I found out it's actually 'sparkling perry'. Then
I found out that Lambrini is sparkling perry too. You win some, you
lose some.
This
advert was very odd. Not creepy odd, just 'ooh, look at that guy'
odd. I think it's meant to be what happens inside a Babycham bottle.
Or possibly when you get to the bottom of one. Also, the guy singing
sounds like Otto from The Simpsons. Possibly that's not deliberate.
Taboo/Mirage
Ah,
the holy duo. Never ever seen separately, apart from nowadays, since
Mirage is no more. And the world is the poorer for it. Taboo without
Mirage is like Cannon without Ball – you'd get people going 'oh,
whatever happened to them?' before going back to not giving a fuck
and/or their knitting.
I
never had Mirage, but I do know that Taboo and lemonade tastes just
like jelly babies.
I
think the reason Taboo survived and Mirage didn't is because human
beings are inherently naughty. We like the idea of drinking liquid
hedonism, but not the idea of drinking something a nun would approve
of. We get enough goody two shoes stuff rammed down our throats
without having to drink it too, thank you very much. This is expertly
shown in the advert – the woman drinking Taboo is obviously having
a more interesting time, and she's probably off to fuck the barman in
a minute.
Tia
Maria
I
was originally going to talk about the advert where the bird
hypnotises some dude into coming over and opening a pickle jar for
her, but I found out that advert was from 2000, not the early 90s
like I originally thought. Oh God, I'm old. I have no sense of
temporal awareness any more. Soon I'll be forgetting why I walked
into a room, or not going out because I need to 'rest my bones'. Mind
you, I do that already.
Instead,
I'm going to show you the actual 80s Tia Maria ad, featuring a woman
with a stripey face -
Bonus
advert – Guinness – featuring GEOFFREY!
LOOK!
LOOK! IT'S GEOFFREY HAYES!
That
is all.
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