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Saturday, 27 November 2010

Getting your own way can sometimes suck

This episode is entitled "Getting your own way", which is a fine skill to teach the children at home. Presumably, if the show is ever revived, titles will have to be updated to things like "Hiding your stash". BUT, the twist here is that the story will show us how it isn't always good to get your own way! Aaaaahhhh! Bet you never saw that one coming! Those crafty folk in Rainbowtown.

Part one - the quest begins

The show opens with Zippy finishing a surprisingly good collage. At least, it's good when you compare it to previous collage efforts of the rainbow house -to previous collage efforts of the rai

With his creative lust satisfied, Zippy, who can't be unoccupied for more than eight seconds, begins to pester George and Bungle for an as yet unspecified "game". Hmm.
George, being an honorary woman, suggests Happy Families, but the more virile Zippy suggests Snakes And Ladders. At the climax of the debate, Zippy is about to give George a backhander for sassing him, but ultimately thinks better of it. Bungle, not appearing to swing either way (at least in terms of games), obviously has the final say. Zippy and George both attempt to curry favour by using that well known tactic - "behave like a dirty old man in the park".

Zippy - "I'll let you have a lick of my lollipop if we play snakes and ladders"

George - "would you like a sweetie Bungle?"

Bungle looks perturbed by all this, but not distressed enough to not be a sweetie whore, and the majority decides on Happy Families. Zippy, sensing defeat, puts down his obviously wooden lollipop. Enter Geoffrey looking very suave, and carrying a newspaper which he proceeds to place over a suspicious part of his anatomy. Really Geoffrey, I knew Jane gave you the horn, but George? You disappoint me.

Zippy manages to wangle a game of Snakes And Ladders after all, by sucking up to Geoffrey and telling him how good the S&L game he bought was, and "how much longer the snakes were". He prompts Bungle to agree and Bungle, obviously scared of getting no dinner from Geoffrey yet again, agrees that it's the best game known to man. Geoffrey agrees that they should play Snakes And Ladders, and when George protests, Zippy gives him a real backhander. Well, sort of, actually it's the most foppish backhander I've ever seen.

All the time this is going on, Bungle is inexplicably sorting through the Happy Families cards for no apparent reason, I suspect out of awkwardness, or perhaps a lack of scripted lines. This is interrupted by Geoffrey's order to "come on Bungle, get it out".

There follows a short Cosgrove Hall animation, featuring a boy with anger issues, and a girl with fat arms and a squeaky neck.

Cut back to the action. The gang are now playing the long awaited Snakes And Ladders game. Zippy lands on the biggest snake, and has to go all the way back to the start. Bungle, being socially inept, can't help pointing this out to Zippy and laughing. Go on Zippy, staple his buttocks to the chair, you know you want to.

Bungle throws a four, but he's crafty and picks the dice up before anyone else can see it, so for all we know he threw a one. Cheating bollock face.

After losing, Zippy insists that Happy Families is better. Everyone groans "Oh Zippy!" in unison, including Geoffrey, who wasn't even in the room when Zippy expressed his hatred for Happy Families.

Part two - the hero's journey

We now join the trio in a game of Happy Families, and we see why Zippy thinks it's so shit. However, this is merely the calm before the storm. Things really hot up when Rod, Jane and Freddy arrive, apparently from the kitchen. Rod and Freddy, being men (mostly), want to watch the football with Geoffrey. Jane meanwhile, being a woman, wants to watch a cookery show. On Geoffrey's TV. When cold hearted Geoffrey denies Jane this harmless request, she simply states "Fine, I'll go watch it on my own TV then!" Um, ok then, groovy.
Geoffrey kicks Bungle, George and Zippy out of the house while he, Rod and Freddy all try their hardest to be alpha males for the afternoon, bless. Note Geoffrey's enthusiastic "come on the lads", while waving his crotch at the TV. Apart from that they're boring, so we head to the garden to find Bungle George and Zippy being equally boring. And a hobby horse dies.
Suddenly, Nurse Gladys Emmanuel appears in the garden. I nearly stopped this review here since this was such an awesome turn of events that will never be surpassed. But I know you're all dying to find out what happens.
Nurse Gladys Emmanuel reads a story about a bossy cat, which teaches you that sometimes you should humour mice, or something.
The alpha males come outside, lamenting that their team is utter fucking shite (I'm paraphrasing). And what's worse, they've missed the story! Three men in their late 30s have missed the story.
Jane turns up, having carried a tray of drinks right from her house, which might very well be in Manchester, I don't know.
And then a rather abrupt ending, possibly so the alpha males don't have to carry on admitting being wrong wrong wrong. Yeah Geoffrey, if you're caught out, just end the show, you coward.

Author's note - it should be pointed out that, although I am always spewing hate at Geoffrey, he is in fact my hero. It is the law that Geoffrey is seen as brilliant by all.

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