Spooky fun - readers beware indeed...

The other day I went shopping for crap with my mother. We do this quite a lot, coming back with such treasures as a plastic severed hand, a broken Sportacus figure, and Jesus.

On this particular expedition, we traded 39p for a book that promised "petrifying puzzles, dangerous doodles, wicked wordsearches, and lots more..." It also promised to "keep children amused for hours". I would suggest that the actual puzzle part of the book would keep children entertained for perhaps 30 seconds, but hours of fun can be had with the free stickers, placing them on unsuspecting objects/walls/people. Not bad, but we were expecting more for our 39 hard earned pence.

While we had dinner in the pub, we girded our loins and tried to prepare for the most spine chilling extravaganza to have been laid down in print - SPOOKY FUN!

Onto page 1, with sweaty palms and knocking knees (I also aplologise for the quality of the pictures - they were taken with a dodgy camera by a very apathetic me) -

"What kind of creature has appeared in this moonlit clearing? You decide!" So we did. We drew Angela Rippon on a unicycle, being pursued by next door's cat. Scary Darey!

Page 2 is far scarier. Maths! My boyfriend, being a maths teacher, decided he could do this page with ease, before giving up after a minute to watch teleshopping with me. Such is my allure.

"Which of these bells is Quasimodo actually ringing? I'm sure the guy in the picture messaged me on Plenty Of Fish once. I don't care which bell he's ringing.

Draw family members! My mum drew herself, and I drew my dad, trolling a telemarketer. He does that. 

The words they gave me to find were boring, so I found my own. They were -

'Yah' - common form of greeting for posh girls

'Ello' - common for of greeting for me

'Screamo' - which I believe is a popular type of music among 'young people'

'How' - as in 'how the fuck am I still doing this puzzle'

'Dic' - I think they must have forgotten to add the K on the end

'Paracew' - how a toddler pronounces parachute

'Ehow' - a popular website where I learned to knit

According to my mother, our mythical creatures included 'Derek' and 'Gobshite'

Since every number can technically be divided by six, the answer is simple.

Again, I got bored of making crappy words, so I decided to include words from a language I made up just now.

I'm not sure which mummy matches, but they're doing some very fancy dancing.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? I'm a member of Mensa (believe it or not), and during the entrance test there were easier puzzles than this. No one can figure out what the pattern is supposed to be. I cried a bit.

Also included in the book was a colouring in page of the skellington from the Scotch video tape advert, who I love

STICKERS! enough said.

And we come to the end, sadly. I was terrified the whole way through. I needed to go home and have a glass of warm milk to calm down after I got through reading it. 39p well spent I say.