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Friday 29 November 2013

Christmas cracker crap 2013

Good evening nerds and serial killers of the internet. One of the things I love to do is pull Christmas crackers and see what tat awaits me inside. I think I bought this year's first box of crackers in September, because that's how cool I am. Allow me to show you some of the life-enhancing sundries me and the mister have collected so far, along with the jokes, half of which make little to no sense and were probably translated from Latvian or something.


2 dimensional plastic car -


Good for sticking to the window to make people think there is a flying car outside.

Joke -

Q -Why do giraffes get Christmas gifts every year?
A – They are so good that they'll stick their necks out for anyone!”

Jigsaw -


Sorry for the spoiler, but it's going to be a parrot -


The warning label is not part of the finished jigsaw.

Unfortunately, I couldn't do it, and had to get the mister to help me. This makes me sad.

Joke -

Q – If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
A – Missile Toe” Mistletoe – geddit? Me neither.

Cookie cutters -


A Christmas tree and a bellend.

Joke -

Q – Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
A – 'Rude'-olph!”

Rubber -


Cue giggling from my American readers because I got a rubber.

Joke -

Q – What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A – Frostbite!”

Comb -


I love combs. Who doesn't? Unfortunately, the mister has decided to own this one to comb his beard, so he can look even more swish.

Joke -

Q – How do you stop a skunk smelling?
A – Hold its nose!”

Jumping frog -


Nothing remotely bad to say about this – everyone loves jumping frogs. Especially when they are yellow.

Joke -

Q – What's an airline pilot's favourite crisps?
A – Plain.” 







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