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Monday 29 April 2013

Your lunch box - childhood currency and cool points


I really miss packed lunches. If I try to make a packed lunch for myself these days, it tastes rubbish. I suppose that's why Greggs does such goes business. It definitely isn't because people like the food there.
These days my lunch tends to be coffee and cigarettes, and doesn't require a lunch box. That's good, because lunch boxes too have begun to un-evolve. Now kids have 'lunch bags' – a terrible American invention that's absolutely no use in a fight. Or to stand on to reach stuff.
Nit picking aside, I guess I should be saying that it's what's on the inside that counts. And I guess it is. I don't really recall any lunchbox related bullying going on in our school, although I'm sure it must have gone on in some places.
There was, all in all, a lovely feeling of equality at our school. Packed lunch-ers and school dinner-ers would mix quite happily, breaking bread together around those gold metal water jugs.

So this won't be a dos and don'ts list for packing a lunch box (although my obvious judgemental nature might claw its way out of my soul).

Lunch box


Obviously, only if you were a packed lunch-er. This goes without saying, although I still feel the need to say it, in case you guys are stupid.

The cartoon or heartthrob of the day was the best thing to have on your lunch box, although there was a tomboyish attitude prevalent in our school which meant having a Take That lunch box might get you branded a 'girl'. Even if you were a girl, this was unacceptable.

For a good few years at primary school I had an ace Rainbow lunch box, and then I don't remember what I had so it must have been rubbish.

Sandwich


No exceptions. The main meal of the day for packed lunch-ers everywhere. Cut into halves or quarters, and wrapped in a food bag. Sometimes your sandwiches were wrapped in tin foil, but that was always gross for some reason.

My sandwich – peanut butter or Dairylea

What kids have today – pastrami on rye, with a side of lobster

Crisps


Big area for debate here, but generally crisps were the norm at our school. Nowadays, of course, kids are forced to have carrot sticks as a “treat”. The parents that pack carrot sticks in the “treat” area of the lunchbox are the same parents who take their kids to McDonalds and then make them have a fruit bag, when all they really want is a Super fun happy choco e-number sundae. These parents will, in later years, force their children to become self righteous busybodies, and ultimately to become Gillian McKeith, and no one wants that.

My crisps – Walkers, or Square crisps, or Frisps, or “Fish n Chips”

What kids have today – fucking carrot sticks.

Pudding


The hard line parents described above might actually give some leeway here – if you count leeway as 'allowing your child to have a strawberry yoghurt when all the other kids have Penguins and Blue Ribands'.
However, yoghurt of any kind will never come in for the same abuse as carrot sticks, on account of not being EVIL.

My pudding – a chocolate biscuit or a Munch Bunch 'Charlie Chocolate' yoghurt

What kids have today – a diet grapefruit or something

A brief aside – I realise something is missing from this post so far – the subject of 'swaps'. Swaps never really took place in our school, and certainly never with me. Personally, I always found the idea of eating food other children had handled repulsive, with their snot and their wee and their sticking their fingers where they didn't belong. Eew. I suspect all the other kids had the same form of OCD, and that's why no one really swapped at our school. It didn't occur to us that A) sandwiches were wrapped and only touched by parents, B) crisps were in bags, and C) puddings were (mostly) wrapped. We still didn't risk it – germs are everywhere.

Drink


In a Thermos flask that matched your lunchbox. Generally squash. Not pop, because the gas would make the top of your flask fly off/explode. A few exceptions -

Bringing a carton of juice or a Capri Sun

Getting water from the gold jug

That's it.

My drink – squash

What kids have today – vodka and coke (probably)

Some weirdos used to bring soup in their flasks. This is not acceptable but I will say this – have you ever tried messing with a kid holding a flask full of hot soup? Nope, because you don't.





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