1. Clarks Magic Steps
For those of you not in the UK, Clarks are a chain of shops that sell sturdy leather shoes. They are also famous for having those scary foot measuring machines that look like they're going to chop your feet off, but you have to stick your feet into them anyway because your mum told you to.
Back in the day, Clarks' Magic Steps were the thing to wear on your feet if you were a small girl. These are they -
They also came with some kind of plastic key. I don't remember much about the key, but I'm pretty sure it unlocked other dimensions of space.
The advert featured a girl being transformed into a princess by virtue of her imagining that she's a princess. She has to climb a tree so save some smurfs, or something. Her magic key unlocks a box full of sunlight, then hey presto, she's back in the shop having her foot chopped off by that machine.
My only regret is that they don't make Magic Steps for adults. Nowadays I have a pair of knee high boots and my house keys, and they don't hold quite the same magical appeal.
2. Aquafresh toothpaste -
There is something inherently awesome about stripey toothpaste, more specifically toothpaste that will match your pyjamas (as long as they're red, white or blue). I could never quite put my finger on why I loved this advert so much; I think it must have just been the novelty value of patterned toothpaste. Pretty nifty song too.
3. Bluebird A la carte kitchen -
I had one of these, and they're every bit as ace as they look. In the advert, a small child is cooking what looks like a swiss roll on some shit. I don't remember my parents ever letting me have real food to play with, probably with good reason. Instead I had to make do with my mountain of plastic play food that I had, including things like bright orange hot dogs, and 'Snazzo' brand "catsup".
Also, note the washing machine at the other side of the kitchen. That thing clearly has no room in it to hold a decent load of washing. Bluebird missed a trick here - they could have installed a real washing machine, so that girl's parents could have made her do her own washing. That would teach her not to have skiddies.
4. Vitalite -
You know the ones - a cartoon sun wearing sunglasses, going round singing about cheap margarine. Why was the sun wearing sunglasses anyway? He was made of sun, every bit of him, including his eyeballs, so surely some thin plastic lenses were going to offer little protection?
Also, when I was eleven, we had to make a comic strip in Art, featuring a famous cartoon character, all about how to make things out of clay. I chose the Vitalite sun guy to star in mine, because he was really easy to draw. My version still looked terrible though.
5. Um Bongo -
All together now -
Way down deep in the middle of the Congo
a hippo took an apricot a guava and a mango
he stuck it with the others and he danced a dainty tango
the rhino said I know we'll call it Um Bongo!
Um Bongo Um Bongo they drink it in the Congo
the python pick the passion fruit
the marmoset the mandarin
the parrot painted packets that the whole caboodle landed in
so when it comes to sun and fun and goodness in the jungle
they all prefer the sunny funny one they call UM BONGO!
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