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Monday, 18 June 2012

Bod - the rogue apple planet

Someone has asked me to take a look at short lived 70s cartoon Bod, and I must say I was pleasantly surprised when I watched an episode. As my regular readers know, my default setting is to mock shows mercilessly, but I won't be doing too much of that with Bod. The show is understated, quiet, and goes at a relaxed enough pace to be reminiscent of Oliver Postgate and Peter Firmin's Smallfilms productions, which I adore.

The show centers around Bod*, who appears to be a small Chinese child. Bod shares a town (I say town, it's more of a green void) with Aunt Flo, PC Copper, Frank the postman and Farmer Barleymow. From what I've seen of this show, PC Copper is the only one who ever talks any sense, which is surprising.

In this episode, Bod has an apple. I am already on the edge of my seat. Instead of eating the apple, which is roughly the size of his head, Bod decides to throw his apple up in the air, just because. At this point, I thought the apple was going to come back down on Bod's head, giving him a concussion. This does not materialise. In fact the apple does not come down at all.

Aunt Flo/Nurse Gladys Emmanuel appears. This woman has four hairs and a Tunnock's chocolate teacake on her head. I like her. After a brief chat with Bod, the apple still hasn't come down. I think Bod might have thrown it into space. After all, the apple was big enough to have attracted several planets into its orbit. Yes, the apple is definitely in space. That is definitely where it is.

Aunt Flo, having nothing to do on account of her being a woman, decides to stand with Bod and wait for the apple planet to re-enter Earth's atmosphere. I wonder if this is where the Planet X/Nibiru conspiracy comes from? Are all the doom peddlars just stood about waiting for Bod's apple to fall back down?

Here comes Frank the postman, with the single greatest piece of entrance music ever. Think of the entrance music for Ron Jeremy, crossed with the Fonz, crossed with a hippy. For reasons I still can't fathom, Frank the postman also decides to wait for the prodigal apple to return.

Then a cock goes off. This, we find out, is to herald the entrance of Farmer Barleymow. And oh my god, he has even sexier theme music. Think of the music 1960s strippers used to use and you're halfway there.

Farmer Barleymow looks like a really badly creased Russian. And I'm sure I don't have to tell you what happens next, but I will just in case you're stupid. Farmer Barleymow decides to wait for the apple, declaring that “What goes up must come down.” He's obviously never bought petrol recently.

They all stand in a row like twats, waiting for this apple to come back down.

PC Copper arrives, with a moustache that makes him look exactly like Zoidberg -

When the others tell him what they're doing, he cruelly debunks their theory, stating that a passing bird must have nicked the apple. He then calls them all “daft”. If you aren't familiar with the word “daft”, he's basically calling them all fucking idiots. Even the small boy.

They all become acutely aware that they are, in fact, fucking idiots, and become suitably embarrassed.

“Honestly Bod, sometimes I think you need your bumps felt.” Sorry, what? What?

Bod feels like a fucking idiot because the time he's spent waiting could have been spent “getting another apple to throw into the air.” Why? What on Earth for? So the apple planet will have a friend and not be lonely?

But wait! The rogue apple planet returns! And yes, it does hit Bod on the head. No one questions where the apple's been, or why it's been up so long. They just kind of accept it as one of those things, although everyone's hat appears to have a different opinion – they're all so embarrassed by their respective owners that they try to leave -

Then they all get apples and, just, chuck them about a bit. The entire mystery of the apple planet is forgotten entirely.

I like Bod. I shall definitely be seeking out more episodes to watch, possibly on a quiet Sunday afternoon with a glass of milk. It seems appropriate.

*Bod does not appear to be an acronym for biochemical oxygen demand. I think it's just his name.

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