Here are my top 5 pieces of corporate flogging propoganda from back when I was a nipper -
5. Smiths crisps -
Cuteness overload, and that's why I love it so much. I've always been a sucker for cute food, be it parachuting chicken McNuggets, or singing vegetables on Sesame Street. You'd think it would be the other way round, and that I'd refuse to eat such darlings. Not so - "Oh look, it's talking and has pretty eyes, I'm going to nom that."
4. Terrys Pyramint -
NO ONE ever remembers this advert, ever. For years I thought the Pyramint was made by Fry's, which was hell in the days before Google knew everything. I never actually had a Pyramint, but apparently they were like eating a whole box of After Eights in one go, with the added bonus of not having to wait until after eight o clock to eat it.
3. Trebor Softmints -
With an ace song performed by Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel. I only know this because I used to go out with someone who was really into Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel. I ask you, have you ever met anyone who's "really into Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel"? He was a bit strange. Although he must have been really, to want to go out with me.
2. Kia Ora -
Here's how I think Kia Ora Ltd and Wefuckwithyourmindadvertising plc came up with the concept for this advert -
1. Everyone in the meeting writes down their worst nightmares on scraps of paper.
2. They also grab an encyclopedia and, blindfolded, point to random articles, which also get transferred to scraps of paper.
3. All the paper goes into a hat.
4. The men stand around the hat, naked
5. The women run the cold tap until all the men need to piss.
6. The men piss in the hat, and whichever pieces of paper come out the wettest are incorporated into the advert's storyboard.
There is no other explanation.
1. Scotch video tapes -
Not only my favourite advert, but one of my favourite things to watch, ever. As regular readers know, I love skellingtons. And one of the few ways a skellington can be improved is by having it sing a Rolling Stones cover with the voice of Please Sir's Derek Guyler. He's even wearing a tie, because he's so swish. I wish Scotch would bring this advert back, but that would involve beginning to mass produce video tapes again, at enormous cost, and probably no one would even buy them. I would though, because I love skellingtons.