My big TV occasions

I've just read a forum discussion on people's favourite TV moments, which has inspired me to write this list. I think compared to many people, I've had relatively few massive TV events in my life – programmes that you sit down to watch with other people, and hand round nibbles, and everyone is on their best behaviour. But I can think of a few, and now I'm going to bore you for ten minutes by telling you about them.

William and Kate's wedding -

I'm not entirely sure why I went so insane over K-Willz's wedding, apart from it just seemed like the thing to do - everyone was going nuts making plans for TV parties. Since I was at university and didn't have a TV, I went over to a guy friend's house and commandeered his for the day. He didn't mind because he wasn't asked.

The wedding should have made me run a mile, because I was getting over a bad break up at the time. Normally, the last thing I wanted to do was sit there watching two people squish over each other and have lots of money. But something in me thought that I shouldn't let that stop me being party to this occasion. Most generations have a royal wedding, and this was mine. I wasn't going to let some philandering git spoil it for me.

Naturally, we were all a bit pissed by lunchtime so don't ask me about the ins and outs of the coverage. But we did all agree on one thing, which I'm sure you've seen many times before -

Reality show finals -

Aw, you beat a disabled lad. Well done.

Mostly Britain's Got Talent, Stars In Their Eyes and The Apprentice. I'm not much of a one for reality shows, but I do watch Britain's Got Talent religiously. Which lucky act will win some money and then never get mentioned ever again? Will it be Charlie the cheese juggling monkey? The amazing three-nippled Terence? Or will it be one of the plucky young pop singers that didn't fancy their chances on The X Factor?

I love TV talent shows, but I'm indifferent about pure singing shows (Stars in their eyes doesn't count in my opinion – it's still enough of a freak show to make it interesting).

When there's a half decent reality show final scheduled, me and whoever can stand my company for the evening will stock up on crisps and nuts and beer, smugly convinced that our favourite is going to win with 200% of the phone vote. This hardly ever turns out to be the case, and our champion will usually come about seventh, even when there are only five acts on the show.

The Brookside body under the patio -

I bloody loved Brookside. When I was a kid I used to sit and watch it with my parents, and to my childish mind, drama couldn't possibly get any more dramatic. This was because Brookside was known for having forward thinking and edgy storylines that other soaps wouldn't touch.

I recently bought this DVD which brought back memories of me being glued to the screen as a child, not entirely sure what was going on, but feeling full of peril nonetheless.

By far the most terror inducing plot my young mind witnessed was the Mandy and Trevor Jordache 'Body under the patio' story. For those of who who never saw Brookside, this should explain it. See, the body under the patio story even has it's own entry on Brookside's Wikipedia page. So there.

Being about nine, I never fully understood what was going on during the domestic abuse storyline, but I knew Trevor was a bad man. So I rooted for Mandy and Beth, and rejoiced (sort of) when they finally managed to kill him. Then I witnessed them desperately shoving his body under the patio. Even though I knew it was Trevor under there, still I recoiled and yelped in horror when Eddie the neighbour came across his rotting hand -

This led to the Jordaches being arrested, and subsequently to the 'Free the Jordache two' campaign across British media. Me being nine and stupid, I thought they were really in prison, and that it was up to the British public to get them out. Although my little self ranted and raved, it didn't do any good, and ultimately I had to rely on the producers of the show to release them from prison. Well, one of them – Beth Jordache sadly died, rendering her ineligible for parole. Sob, cry. 


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