This is developing into an
ongoing saga, so parts 1, 2 and 3 can be found below -
I keep stumbling across
adverts I used to go nuts over as a kid. I only stumble across them
by accident, while I happen to be googling '80s adverts'. This latest
part of my journey into insanity is a collection of adverts that have
stayed with me for the creepy music and/or the general mood they
evoke. For some reason these adverts have become etched in my memory
in slightly unsettling ways. This might become easier to explain as
we go along -
1. Castrol GTX -
It's the music, man.
Seriously. Probably the dark room containing liquid with a life of
its own doesn't help either. I was transfixed by this advert as a
pup, it looked nightmarish and dystopian to me, a bit like how the
future was going to look when everyone died and all that was left was
some oil that ran round doing what it wanted.
2. St Ivel Gold -
A very relaxing Enya type
track accompanies someone windsurfing down a road, if that's even a
thing. I think the general message is that if you eat St Ivel Gold
low fat spread, you'll feel relaxed enough to not care if you're
sailing into oncoming traffic.
3. Sanatogen -
I don't know why this used
to creep me out. I think it was probably the weird scribbly
animation, where things change into people and back into things, and
all the time some woman is asking you if you feel all right, in an
oddly threatening way.
4. BSB satellite TV -
Dear lord, where do I
start with this? The weird irrelevant wolf thing at the beginning?
The apocalyptic lighting and soundtrack? And what is that kid
laughing at out of his bedroom window? This advert would be scary
enough even if it was for something mundane like toilet roll. As it
is, it was for the unknown and mysterious 'satellite TV' – no one
quite knew what it was meant to be or how it was meant to work –
just that it was all going on completely undetected, unless you
bought a special magic box, and then you could be party to all kinds
of secrets, and programmes broadcast live from other dimensions.
That's how it felt, anyway.
5. P&O ferries -
This one is the creepiest,
because I seem to have imagined it. Ok – back in the 80s/early 90s
I SWEAR I remember an advert similar to the animation above, except
it had the following song playing over the top of it -
I've never been as sure of
anything as I am that this advert was real, yet no record of it
exists, and no record exists of “La Mer” ever being used in an
advert for anything. But this raises two questions. One – how the
hell have I known that song my whole life? Two – if P&O didn't
use this song, why the hell not? It was perfect for their European
ferry ads. This fake advert has puzzled me for years. Do you guys
ever have something you remembered really clearly, only to find out
it never existed? Or is it just me? Am I actually insane? I need a
cup of tea now.
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