My friend asked me to review this show.
My friend must hate me, and I have spent the time since beginning
this review wondering what the hell I could have done to annoy him so
much.
By the way, as with most of my reviews,
this will only make sense if you watch along with me. Now that
disclaimer is out of the way, I am cleared of any future wrongdoing
whatsoever.
Oh, and ALSO, the Wikipedia entry for
VTV has Vicky down as being a boy. This is bullshit for two reasons.
Firstly, her name is Vicky. Granted, that might be a translation
thing, so I'll move onto the second problem. Vicky wears a dress.
Actually, upon closer inspection, is it actually a dress? It might
just be a really girly looking tunic. But parents take note – if
you want your child to grow up of the male persuasion, do not name
him Vicky and make him wear a dress. Especially if he's a fucking
Viking.
So – video first -
Also here is the Youtube link, so no one else will moan about how they can't possibly scroll down and watch, and I might possibly be spared life for murder - Youtube Vicky
Oh Jesus Christ, this theme tune is an
hour long. The only theme tune longer than this is Willy Fog Willy Fog theme tune hell
and that ended up being rather jaunty
so all was forgiven. This, however, is a load of old men down the pub
moaning about how their ex wives have stung them for every penny.
Not even 40 seconds in and I'm going
for a well deserved cigarette.
Ok this must be episode 1, since a bit
of Viking history is given. Here we are told that our heroes are
setting forth to “raid and plunder”. No raping and pillaging
then. That must be in episode 2.
I must say though, the animation
reminds me of Smallfilms (Oliver Postgate and Peter Firmin –
Clangers, Bagpuss etc), so this is a redeeming feature. Actually,
upon further investigation (clicking on one page), I realise it
reminds me of Noggin The Nog.
Their flag – is it a viking hat, or
is it Patrick Star doing a muscleman pose?
So – plot (I use the term loosely).
Bla bla bla, they are returning to their village, bla bla bla, and a
man who looks like a rat comes in his pants, bla bla bla.
At around 2:50, lift/elevator music
starts to play.
The Viking's milkshake has brought all
the wenches to the yard. Yay verily.
Oh good, someone sent me a request in
Bubble Safari. Any excuse to
stop watching this.
Suddenly,
an old man juggles some children.
Oh my
god, so Vicky really is a boy? “Where's my son Vicky?” pretty
much confirms that.
Bla
bla bla, the Vikings are still doing all their homecoming crap, bla
bla bla.
“I
know where Vicky is, he's me, in this dress, as usual.”
But
wait! Vicky's off being chased by a wolf? This shit could get good!
But no. In the next second we see “him” being chased by the
skinniest animal in the world – a wolf made out of pipe cleaners,
and not even real pipe cleaners. This wolf is about as scary as my
dad when he's making a nice cup of tea.
From
the noises Vicky is making, I suspect “he” rather likes being
chased by this wolf.
So
far, a grand total of FUCK ALL has happened.
Hahahahahah
I do love the main Viking dude's wife though. Upon returning from
months or years of pillaging upon the high seas, she just says - “Oh,
it's you”
When I
am prime minister I shall give that woman a title. For cash,
obviously.
Wait,
why is the Viking husband suddenly Scottish at 5:20?
Ok for
the first time in this episode I laughed. I laughed til I snorted.
Firstly, the awesome wife just shrugs off her not coming to meet her
husband by saying “Oh I had loads to do”. Secondly, the Scottish
husband expresses his displeasure by blowing a horn at her. Not
smacking her upside the head as I expected (and hoped).
Also,
why is the wife talking like Joanna Lumley?
This
face. Remember this face. For she will surely become ruler of the
great earth before our time is come and gone, such is her wisdom and general
reluctance to listen to her husband's insane fuckage. I don't know
her name, but I'm going to call her Joanna.
No,
the wolves were scared of you because they were underfed mutts, and
you had a big stick. Get over yourself Hamish.
I
missed how Vicky killed that pipe cleaner wolf, because I was texting
my friend. I'm not sorry.
Are
you seriously telling me that's a boy? I have twin nephews his age –
they have farting competitions and play Grand Theft Auto. They do not
fluff their hair and run away screaming from pipe cleaners.
We now
have a Road Runner/Carry on type of scene, wherein the wolf gets
bashed but appears to get off on it.
Incidentally,
pause the video at any point between 8:09 and 8:12, and you get
animal porn. Jus' sayin.
I'm
sorry, I gave up at 8:54 – this is just not my cup of tea at all.
Maybe one day, when I'm feeling braver, I'll go back and finish the
quest. Until then, it's on Youtube if you particularly hate yourself.
I don't know what part 2 is and I don't fucking care.
No comments:
Post a Comment