I really miss packed lunches. If
I try to make a packed lunch for myself these days, it tastes rubbish. I
suppose that's why Greggs does such goes business. It definitely isn't because
people like the food there.
These days my lunch tends to be
coffee and cigarettes, and doesn't require a lunch box. That's good, because
lunch boxes too have begun to un-evolve. Now kids have 'lunch bags' – a
terrible American invention that's absolutely no use in a fight. Or to stand on
to reach stuff.
Nit picking aside, I guess I
should be saying that it's what's on the inside that counts. And I guess it is.
I don't really recall any lunchbox related bullying going on in our school,
although I'm sure it must have gone on in some places.
There was, all in all, a lovely
feeling of equality at our school. Packed lunch-ers and school dinner-ers would
mix quite happily, breaking bread together around those gold metal water jugs.
So this won't be a dos and don'ts
list for packing a lunch box (although my obvious judgemental nature might claw
its way out of my soul).
Lunch box
Obviously, only if you were a
packed lunch-er. This goes without saying, although I still feel the need to
say it, in case you guys are stupid.
The cartoon or heartthrob of the
day was the best thing to have on your lunch box, although there was a
tomboyish attitude prevalent in our school which meant having a Take That lunch
box might get you branded a 'girl'. Even if you were a girl, this was unacceptable.
For a good few years at primary
school I had an ace Rainbow lunch box, and then I don't remember what I
had so it must have been rubbish.
Sandwich
No exceptions. The main meal of
the day for packed lunch-ers everywhere. Cut into halves or quarters, and
wrapped in a food bag. Sometimes your sandwiches were wrapped in tin foil, but
that was always gross for some reason.
My sandwich – peanut butter or
Dairylea
What kids have today – pastrami
on rye, with a side of lobster
Crisps
Big area for debate here, but
generally crisps were the norm at our school. Nowadays, of course, kids are
forced to have carrot sticks as a “treat”. The parents that pack carrot sticks
in the “treat” area of the lunchbox are the same parents who take their kids to
McDonalds and then make them have a fruit bag, when all they really want is a
Super fun happy choco e-number sundae. These parents will, in later years,
force their children to become self righteous busybodies, and ultimately to
become Gillian McKeith, and no one wants that.
My crisps – Walkers, or Square
crisps, or Frisps, or “Fish n Chips”
What kids have today – fucking
carrot sticks.
Pudding
The hard line parents described
above might actually give some leeway here – if you count leeway as 'allowing
your child to have a strawberry yoghurt when all the other kids have Penguins
and Blue Ribands'.
However, yoghurt of any kind will
never come in for the same abuse as carrot sticks, on account of not being
EVIL.
My pudding – a chocolate biscuit
or a Munch Bunch 'Charlie Chocolate' yoghurt
What kids have today – a diet grapefruit
or something
A brief aside – I realise something
is missing from this post so far – the subject of 'swaps'. Swaps never really
took place in our school, and certainly never with me. Personally, I always
found the idea of eating food other children had handled repulsive, with their
snot and their wee and their sticking their fingers where they didn't belong.
Eew. I suspect all the other kids had the same form of OCD, and that's why no
one really swapped at our school. It didn't occur to us that A) sandwiches were
wrapped and only touched by parents, B) crisps were in bags, and C) puddings
were (mostly) wrapped. We still didn't risk it – germs are everywhere.
Drink
In a Thermos flask that matched
your lunchbox. Generally squash. Not pop, because the gas would make the top of
your flask fly off/explode. A few exceptions -
Bringing a carton of juice or a
Capri Sun
Getting water from the gold jug
That's it.
My drink – squash
What kids have today – vodka and
coke (probably)
Some weirdos used to bring
soup in their flasks. This is not acceptable but I will say this – have you
ever tried messing with a kid holding a flask full of hot soup? Nope, because
you don't.
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